Week 4 - Patsies 14 at Chiefs 41

Way to kick off this amazing sports week in KC - Monday Night Football, playoff baseball, Sporting KC soccer and NASCAR at Kansas Speedway. A 41-14 pasting of the Patriots - a game that wasn't actually as close as the score indicates.

I'm not sure if this was more a case of, "Who the hell are these Chiefs?" or, "Who the hell are these Patriots?" The Patsies have had a rough year, but this is ridiculous. Can you even conceive of THE Tom Brady getting benched on Monday Night Football, after throwing two picks (one a pick-6) and losing a fumble? The badly depleted Chiefs defense put a clown suit on one of the most vaunted QB's in the history of the NFL.

I feel compelled to say that I am not a big fan of the whole "Guinness Book - Loudest Stadium" thing. Seattle started it, in their semi-enclosed, Kansas City architect-designed, corporate-sponsor-whore building, by calling in Guinness. And it's bull crap. Whether or not you reach a particular decibel level is not relevant unless you know WHEN to make noise to impact the game, and when to shut up to help your team. Arrowhead is deafening. I know. I've been there. It's rock-concert loud. But only when it's supposed to be. That said, the crowd at Arrowhead didn't just beat the Seattle number, they annihilated it. They beat it as badly as the team on the field beat the Patriots. The decibel A-scale (audible sound) is measured logarithmically. Every 5 decibel increase in the number is equal to a doubling of the sound level. So the 142.2 number they put up is nearly twice as loud as Seattle's 137.6. And they took the reading on a Larson-Davis 831! I have always trusted L-D for my sound recording instruments. They are the best on the market.

Offense: Number - 303 - the most yards given up in a half by the Pats in the Belichik era. Can we all stop with the "game manager" label now? Alex Smith is a very good quarterback. He is not yet an elite QB. You have to put some trophies in the case to earn that moniker. But I can't think of very many teams in the NFL where he wouldn't be an upgrade from what they have. Hell, last night New England fans would have traded QBs! Alex was 20 of 26 for 248 yards, 3 TD's and 0 turnovers and a 144.4 rating. That's called winning. Great to have Jamaal back. Not just for his game-breaking talents, but did you see some of the blocks he threw? The difference between Alex running for his life, and having time to put up those numbers is due to Jamaal's sure hands and great blitz reads. That said, the Knile factor is pretty exciting - both backs at or near 100 yards. The old "thunder & lightning" combo. And I absolutely loved the play calling last night. That three-tight-end set is brilliant. Opposing D's have no clue what's coming. The O-line played better. They still need shoring on the right side, which will come next week when Stephenson returns. Kelce had another impressive game - 8 catches for 93 yards. D-Bowe loves the national audience, apparently with his best performance in over a year, 5 catches out of 6 targets for 81 yards. And every one of those 5 grabs was for a first down. For one night, this looked like the Trent Green/Priest Holmes Chiefs. And they have finally figured out the formula for beating the best QB's - chew up the clock, dominate the time of possession and keep him safely on the bench. 

Defense: For playing wounded, they picked a good day to all show up for work. They went three games with no turnovers, but made up for lost time at the best time - in PRIME TIME. Shawn Smith picked off Brady when Edelman cut off his route. Then Hussein Abdullah snagged one he ran in for a TD - for which he was rewarded with the "stupidest penalty ever called™". Tamba had a huge strip-sack that led to a KC TD. Houston added a couple of sacks, as well. Big Macs for everybody! Tamba looked pretty fleet for an old lineman, as he went out in respectable pass coverage. Big Dontari Poe even got in on the offensive side, playing decoy fullback on a goal line pass play. They seemed to let up on the gas when Brady was benched, allowing some garbage points, but overall, no complaints.

 Specials: Let's start by mentioning we have the best punter in the NFL. His services were not needed much, but when they were, he delivered. Pinning the Pats back on the 1 yard line on the drive where Tamba got the strip. The Duke Didn't Doink. Santos made all of his kicks, and the only one returned was caused by the "stupidest penalty ever called™" on Hussein Abdullah, for simply falling to his knees in the endzone. No celebration, no game delay. Nothing offensive. Nothing disrespectful. HEY NFL...

Throw Him A Bone: Jamaal Charles - playing through pain, simply did everything. Running, catching, blocking - and Three TD's. He's a beast.

Doggity Dog: Frankie Hammond, Jr. has no clue what he's doing. He looks completely lost out there, whether fielding punts or playing wide out, he's a warm body taking up space waiting for Mamba to return.

Next up - The Chiefs head to the left coast to take on Alex's old team, the Niners at Blue Jean Park - another late start. Set your DVR to 3:25 CDT.

Tailgating Recipe:
New England Chowdah!

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 medium onion, finely diced
2 celery stalks (reserve tender leaves) trimmed, quartered lengthwise, then sliced into 1/4-inch pieces
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 cups chicken or vegetable stock
2 (10-ounce) cans chopped clams in juice
1 cup heavy cream
2 bay leaves
1 pound potatoes, cut into 1/2- inch cubes
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Directions:
Heat the butter in a large pot over medium-high heat. Add the onion and celery and sauté until softened, mixing often. Stir in the flour to distribute evenly. Add the stock, juice from 2 cans of chopped clams (reserve clams), cream, bay leaves, and potatoes and stir to combine. Bring to a simmer, stirring constantly (the mixture will thicken), and then reduce the heat to medium-low and cook 20 minutes, stirring often, until the potatoes are nice and tender. Then add clams and season to taste with salt and pepper, cook until clams are just firm, another 2 minutes. Remove bay leaves. Garnish with celery leaves.

Week 3 - Chiefs 34 at Flippers 15

The Chiefs opened a can of whoop-ass on Flipper.

These are a lot more fun to write when the Chiefs win. However, sorry to be Debbie Downer - but, while the score looks like a blow-out, the game didn't feel that way. Thanks in large part to the gaping hole in the middle of the defense, from the loss of both inside linebackers and a pro-bowl safety, Miami (ironically) gained way too many yards on the ground. Especially given that their starting back - and old KC nemesis - Knowshon Moreno was absent. And, and while the run blocking gets better each week, passer protection is still a huge problem. Does anyone know what happened to the special teams? The best part of this game - besides the W - no serious injuries! That's one week in a row!

Offense: First of all, where the hell has Joe McKnight been hiding? He looks like Dexter McCluster, except he can catch. And, for the second straight week without Jamaal, Knile Davis looks like "the real deal" (OLD Chiefs fans will recall that cringe-worthy reference). Davis is a nice change up to Jamaal. He's very fast in the open field, although not nearly as shifty or quick as Charles. But he doesn't have to be. He runs over people, not around them. He's become a lot more patient in following his blockers and waiting for a hole to open. And 32 carries in the Miami heat and humidity is a serious workload. He looks like Larry Diapers, with a better attitude. That formation with the three TE's broke at least three good plays yesterday. Kudos to the Walrus (goo-goo-goo-joob) and Doug Peterson, or whoever is responsible for that play. Alex was pretty sharp, and used his legs to get out of trouble. But he was working out of a special-teams-induced hole, much of the afternoon, and the blocking on pass plays was - frankly - bad. Five sacks, a safety and forced fumble is not getting it done. The right side of the O-line continues to be like an I-70 on-ramp. Stupid Stephenson has one more game out. Man do they need him back. The drops from Bowe, Avery and Kelce were not helpful, either. Bowe is a huge disappointment, and there isn't a WR on this squad that scares anyone. Still in all, credit them for finally finishing drives. The TD by Kelce was pure speed, size and as Roy Williams used to say, "wont to". The defense didn't give the O any turnovers and the special teams pinned them deep on several drives, and yet they found a way to get points.

Defense: That's more like it! Still too many big runs up the gut, and still no turnovers (KC is now -5 in TO ratio), but four sacks and a strip is always a good day. Tamba got the best of former teammate, Fat Albert on a few plays, netting five tackles, three for loss, including the strip sack. Big Dontari Poe had two sacks right up the middle and Houston added another. Significant credit for those sacks also has to go to a much improved performance by the secondary. They were not torched on Sunday. They were very sound, and came close at least three times to picking off Tannehill. They need to spend more time in practice catching the ball! Alan Bailey got a big mit up to knock down a fourth-down pass in the fourth quarter. Huge play. Another very encouraging sign was the limited play of first-round rookie, Dee Ford. On one third-and-short play in the fourth quarter, when the Chiefs needed a stop, Ford blew around end and caught the back from behind, dropping him short of the first down. Huge (and very DJ-like) play. If they can get James-Michael Johnson to stay in his gaps on running plays, and can get Berry back to cover his backside, this defense could become pretty good.

Specials: We have a great punter.
The rest of them - ugh. Kickoffs were terrible. Coverage on kicks was terrible. The penalties were ridiculous. NO punt returner should ever field ONE punt inside the five, let alone two. Add in failing to call a fair catch, and letting the ball roll 20 yards, to inside the 5. Frankie Hammond needs to be benched. The offense kept starting in a huge hole. Only having the best Colquitt in the league and the emergence of McKnight salvaged anything out of this mess. Hopefully Mambo gets well soon. As they say, the greatest ability is availability.

Awards:
Throw Him A Bone: Gotta go to Mr Scrapheap Salvage - Joe McKnight. He was doing it all. He was only the leading receiver with 6 grabs out of 7 targets for 64 yards - one more yard than all the wide receivers combined. A very healthy 10.7 yards per reception, and a TD. Oh, and he returned 3 kickoffs 65 yards for a 21.7 yard average. Did I mention that he also had a carry out of the backfield? Hopefully his questionable behavior that got him cut by the Jets, and out of the league for a year, is behind him, and he can become a reliable player for KC.

Doggity Dog: Dave Toub - this dud's for you! One of the worst all-around special teams performances in recent memory. Toub needs to get his house in order.

Next up,  Chiefs host the Patsies at The Head on Monday Night Football, BABY! So, set those DVRs to 7:30 Monday night!

Tailgating Recipe:

MrDoggity's Caribbean Chicken Hot Wings 

Brine:

1 tbsp. sea salt

1 tbsp. honey

2 tsp.  paprika

1 tsp. garlic powder

1 tsp. onion powder

1 tsp. ground black pepper

1 split and seeded habanero pepper

½ tsp. allspice

1 can lime seltzer water

Juice of 1 lime

2 lb. chicken wings, cut with the tips discarded (I save the tips to make stock)

Baste/seasoning. 

¼ cup good olive oil (I use lime infused from Olive Tree)

¼ cup MrDoggity's Bajan-Style Hot Sauce (or any Caribbean-style hot sauce)
Juice of 1 lime 

Mix all brine ingredients, and brine chicken for 1 to 2 hours.

Pat chicken dry and oil with good olive oil. Cook on indirect grill, at medium heat, for 20-30 minutes, turning and brushing with baste about half way through and again about 5 minutes before removing from grill. Make sure chicken is cooked until juices run clear.

Toss in a bowl with remaining baste and serve.

Also works great with large prawns or shrimp.  

Your Faithful Scribe,
Mr Doggity

Week 2 - Chiefs 17 at Donkeys 24

No where to go but up! Last week it was Achilles' tendons. This week it was ankles.  At this rate, expect two starters to go down with shin splints next week.

Once again the Chiefs lost two starting players in a game. In this case two pro-bowlers, and arguably the most important man on the roster, yesterday to ankle injuries. This comes on the "heels" of last week's loss for the season of Mike DeVito and leading tackler, Derrick Johnson to Achilles' injuries. Hopefully Jamaal Charles and Eric Berry are not as serious, but it's not good, either way. KC has pass-rusher extraordinaire, Tamba Hali and starting cornerback Marcus Cooper both slowed by bad ankles. There are, of course injuries at higher elevations, as well. Starting kick return specialist, De'Anthony Thomas has a bad hamstring, offensive guard, Jeff Allen has a dislocated elbow and inside linebacker, Joe Mays has a wrist injury keeping him off the field. As for the guy missing action for reasons the furthest off the ground, starting right tackle, Donald Stephenson's bone-headed doping wins for "highest" reason. The training room must look like a M*A*S*H unit.

Offense: The common refrain coming out of yesterday's game is, "There are no moral victories in the NFL." And that's true. However, I never expected to even be in this game - and if you'd told me we would lose Charles and Berry, I would have set the DVR to Gilligan's Island reruns. And yet they were in this game, right up to the final seconds. Knile Davis stepped up in the absence of Jamaal, and performed well. Where you noticed the difference was in blocking and receiving. But as for running the ball, he did a very good job. The run blocking looks like it's improving, but pass protection is still an issue. Of course that is exacerbated by receivers who can't get separation, causing the QB to spend too much time in the pocket. Thankfully we have a mobile QB, but it would be nice if he didn't have to be the leading rusher. Speaking of Alex Smith, I think he may have played one of his best games as a Chief yesterday, in that futile effort. He made plays where there were none. He finally got the tight ends involved. Kelce had a great day. He made smart decisions, generally good throws and he showed a lot of guts. He forced Denver's defense into three offsides, and he did exactly what you need to do in Denver. He owned the time of possession, keeping Peyton Elway safely on the bench. The drive to start the third quarter was exactly what they needed to do - burn ten minutes off the clock - the longest duration of any drive by the Chiefs in 16 years. And then the wheels came off. Two penalties - one for holding by the rookie guard, on a long run that swung 29 yards difference. Then Alex, running for his life, crossed the line of scrimmage on a pass that would have been a first and goal. Instead it was 5 yards backward and loss of down. Then they brought out that kicker... more on that later... The bottom line again was they moved the ball well, but stalled in the red zone. You just can't do that.

Defense: After losing the "QB" of the defensive last week with DJ's season-ending injury, that role fell to fellow pro-bower, Eric Berry, who also went out in the first half, and did not return. Peyton Manning is almost impossible to sack because of his quick release and the way his receivers run pick plays. Yes. I said it. They run pick plays. They have cute names for them, and they disguise them, and they never get caught by the refs, but they cheat. They run illegal picks several plays per game. I will give credit to Bob Sutton for having the D-backs somewhat ready for it. They did a pretty good job of avoiding the picks, but Denver will get its yards on these plays, and for a couple of drives they ran them effectively. Hali managed a sack that was mostly due to the corners beating the picks. The middle linebackers were frequently gashed by the Broncos running game, however. I'm beginning to wonder if the front office won't be forced to go pick up some warm bodies off the scrap heap, just to suit up enough guys.

Special Teams: Have I mentioned that we had the best Colquitt on the field yesterday? The guy is rock-solid at dropping the ball inside the 10. It's a good thing too, because we need a better Colquitt than Denver does. However, I still don't get the coaching decision to punt on 4th & 1 at midfield. That is a head-scratcher. And then there's that other kicking guy. The Duke of Doink. He took all of the momentum built by a 10 minute, clock chewing drive, and barfed it up with missed 37 yard field goal. Then the Chiefs stopped Denver and forced a punt. After a 90-yard, 7:42 drive, the Chiefs scored a TD, and it suddenly looked like we might have us a football game, here. Only to have The Duke squib kick a line drive kickoff that never even made it to the endzone. There is simply no excuse in that thin air to ever have a kickoff returned. But they did get a huge return, all the way back into Chiefs territory. You give Manning less than half a field, at home, protecting a narrow lead, and he will come away with points. Only three this time, but at least their new kicker actually puts his kicks between the uprights.

I usually don't mention officiating in this report. Losers blame refs. But man those guys were bloody awful yesterday. Oh - and the worst groundskeeping crew in the NFL. The field was atrocious. My daughter played youth soccer on better fields. The Chiefs should sue the Donkey field crew for the injuries to Berry and Charles.


Awards:
Throw Him A Bone: Alex Smith showed the heart, the head and the guts that earned him the big bucks. One of his best performances as a Chief.

Doggity Dog: The Duke of Doink, Cairo Santos. The worst kicker in the history of kickers. (We don't even think about the kicker who shall remain nameless. He is dead to us.)

Next up: Chiefs at Fish from Unnamed Corporate Sponsor Field in Miami, FL. Head's up, despite this being an Eastern time-zone game, it will be the late game of a double-header next week, so it will start at 3:25 CT, again.

Tailgating Recipe:
Grilled corn and black bean salsa:

Ingredients:
4 cups chopped tomatoes
1 ear roasted sweet corn
1 15oz can unseasoned black beans, rinsed
1/4 cup chopped bell pepper
1/2 cup green onion, sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 chopped roasted hot Hatch chili pepper (or other hot pepper, more or less to taste)
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 cup minced fresh cilantro (optional)
2 tablespoons Olive Tree Jalapeno-lime white balsamic vinegar
1/2 teaspoon Olive Tree Sea Salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

Directions:
Mix all ingredients. Adjust salt and pepper to taste.

Your Faithful Scribe,
Mr Doggity

Week 1 - Titanics 26 at Griefs 10

I picked a bad week to give up sniffing glue.

Hey, the Royals beat the Yankees on Derek Jeter Day! I guess I am forced to talk about the Chiefs here, aren't I? This game was as putrid as a bag of gym socks stuffed with rotting potatoes, left in the car trunk for a week in 100º heat. Given that this was a home game against one of the weakest teams the Chiefs will face all year, this could mean the return of....

Don't tempt me.

Offensive: The $68 Million Man - Alias Smith - put up a whopping 19 of 35 for 202, four sacks and three interceptions. This is a guy who threw just seven picks in the entire season last year. Of course, he was running for his life at times, but nobody was ever open. And, granted, a couple of the INTs were because Donnie Avery is a tiny little slacker, who makes up for being short by not finishing plays. I know that Dipstick Dwayne was serving a suspension, so they had to plug someone into the flanker slot. But how about anyone over 5 feet tall - and maybe a guy who completes his routes? Did they give Jamaal the day off, too? He had 7 carries for 19 yards, and only 11 touches for 34 yards. There were third and three or four situations when they had Cyrus Gray on the field, and Jamaal on the bench. Seriously? Reid's mustache is apparently growing into his brain. And don't even get me started on how offensive the line was. Eric Sandcastle was washed out by waves of Titans. This O-line is as porous as a worn out fishnet. If there was a bright spot, they did FINALLY get the tight ends involved in the passing game, and they avoided the stupid penalties that plagued them in the preseason.... And Dexter McCluster had a pretty good day.... Oh, wait.

Defenseless: Well, you're down one corner coming in, on a unit that is already a weak link, and you don't have one of your starters at linebacker, and then your best defensive player goes down with an apparent achilles injury that may cost him the season. And then another defensive starter goes down with an apparent achilles injury. They did manage four sacks against a very highly touted and expensive offensive line, but ZERO turnovers, none, nada, zilch, got nuthin. The defensive backfield remains a huge problem. There simply aren't any guys on that unit who can cover good receivers. And teams like Denver - our next opponent - are loaded with good receivers. They might as well play without a secondary and blitz every play, because if the QB has time to find a target, they're going to get torched anyway. Years ago, when I did this report, the corners were held down by William Bartee and Eric Warfield - whom I affectionately dubbed "Chrispy" and "Toasty". I think we may see a reprise of those monikers.

Special Ed: Wow, that whole, "cut Succop and keep Santos" thing looked like a stroke of genius yesterday. And by that I mean that some genius must have had a stroke. In the absence of D'Anthony "Mamba" Thomas, Frankie "Fall Down" Hammond and Knile "Knee Down" Davis didn't exactly electrify the crowds. And, I'm sorry, but YOU NEVER FIELD A PUNT INSIDE THE FIVE! Maybe it goes out of bounds anyway, but footballs are shaped funny and they bounce funny. Maybe it has a little English on it, and backflips into the endzone. Let it hit the frickin' ground and take your chances. Cairo Santos will now be known as "The Duke of Doink", after finding both uprights on consecutive kicks. Even the one he made he played off the bumper. The good news is, we still have maybe the best punter in the NFL. It's a good thing. It looks like we're going to need him.

Awards:
Throw him a bone: Justin Houston with two sacks means at least we get the consolation prize this week - a free Big Mac. Woo-Hoo!

Doggity Dog: Donnie Avery. Yes, I know he led the team with 7 catches for 84 yards, but even on the one or two good plays, he didn't look very good making them. He bobbles the ball on nearly every catch. He takes plays off. He doesn't finish plays - case in point, the interception where he just laid on the ground and didn't make any effort to ensure the player was down by contact. The Chiefs got a huge break on that one from the refs. On both picks when he was targeted, he made no effort at all to fight for the ball or break up the pick.

Next up - The Donkeys at "Generic Corporate Sponsor Stadium at Mile High (and I mean HIGH, baby...)"
Remember to adjust your DVRs - this one is a 3:25 CT start!

Tailgating Recipe:

SO….
Now that cooler weather is upon us. All the more reason to BBQ! Not that we ever have much in the way of leftovers when I get out the smoker, here's an idea for any ribs that don't get eaten the first day.

BBQ Rib Chili:

Stock:

Put 2 pounds (5 - 6 bones) smoked BBQ spare ribs (you can use baby-backs, too) in a stock pot, pour a 46 oz can/jar of tomato juice, adding just enough water to cover. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, cover and cook for 1 to 1-1/2 hrs, or until the meat falls off the bone, cleanly. Set aside to cool. Remove bones and gristle. Chop any large pieces of meat into bite-size chunks and return to stock.

Chili:

In a separate stockpot or Dutch oven, heat 2-3 Tablespoons of good olive oil. Add 1/4 cup each, finely chopped yellow onion, bell pepper and celery. Sauté until translucent over medium heat. Add 2 cloves minced garlic, 2-3 finely chopped hot chili peppers (jalapeno, Serrano, etc. - more or less to taste) and stir. Muddle 2 teaspoons Kosher salt, 2 teaspoons oregano (Mexican, if you can find it), 1 teaspoon cumin seed, 1/2 teaspoon coriander seed, and then stir into pot. Deglaze with 1/2 cup beer (anything you don't mind drinking the rest of!), add in a 20oz can of whole tomatoes with the liquid, crushing them as you add, then add the stock and meat. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, cook for at least 30 minutes.

At this point, adjust the heat and seasonings. If you are so inclined, you can also add a can of beans (sorry Texans, some people like it that way!), when you add your other liquid ingredients.

Your Faithful Scribe -
Mr Doggity. 

Dopes.

Before the first game - I want to say a word about dopes.
The Chiefs are facing the second-toughest schedule in the NFL. One team they have a good shot at beating - the Tennessee Titans - will find the Chiefs down two offensive starters. And I do mean "offensive". Starting #1 WR Dwayne Bowe, and starting right offensive tackle, Donald Stephenson. Both for doping. One cheating and one just stupid.

Let's start with Stephenson. A Kansas City kid. The product of Blue Springs High School, and the University of Oklahoma. He's a home-grown player. Hometown boy made good. Everyone loves that story, right? He had a spotty season last year. OK, but hardly anything that resembled his hero, Branden Albert, whom the Chiefs let walk last offseason. The result has been a preseason in which the offensive line has "struggled" (newspaper speak for "sucked"). The fact that anyone on this O-line is serving a suspension for "performance-enhancing drugs" has to make you wonder just how bad they would have sucked if they weren't cheating.

Then there's Bowe. The $56 million man. Caught doing 48 in a 35 after midnight in Riverside, driving an older Audi with a car load of stoners, looking for a Sonic and carrying two joints. SERIOUSLY? This sounds like something that would happen after a Dungeons and Dragons meet-up of the Park Hill High School Audio Visual club. This guy makes $56 million and he's getting caught in 17 year old hijinx?

The Titans are not good. Dexter McCluster will be stoked, but otherwise, they are one of the few teams on the schedule this year that doesn't really strike any fear. The Chiefs should win at home, but how much more difficult will it be without these two DOPES?

Back Despite Popular Demand....

Many moon ago, there was a time before blogs and social media. A time when the internets tubes were the quaint dirt roads that had not yet merged into the information superhighway. A time when crude communications were sent by "e-mail" via packets on telephone wires (remember when telephones had wires?). When connecting to these roads required dialing a phone number with your computer and listening to a "handshake" - which was series of mechanical tones that sounded like R2D2 having an orgasm.

It was in these times that I posted a weekly summary of the games played by the Kansas City Chiefs NFL football club. I mostly did it for the benefit of a few friends who were serving their country or their companies overseas, or in remote areas of the US where information on such matters was not widely available.

The combination of flaccid insight and insipid attempts at humor made it a favorite of dozens of people, worldwide. In spite of their pleas to the contrary, I have decided to resuscitate the Doggity Chiefs Report for the 2014 campaign.

And what better time to do it than the first RED FRIDAY of the regular season - September 5, 2014?

Your faithful scribe,
Mr. Doggity.